It’s the time of year when we media types write endless year in review articles about significant events that happened in an assortment of categories during the previous year.
This isn’t one of those articles. This year-in-review is about insignificant events that received much more attention than they were due. This is a collection of insignificant happenings that our latte-sipping, reality-show-obsessed culture turned into big events. This is the year in stupid.
THE DRESS OF MANY COLORS
This “lovely” frock surfaced in February and immediately drove the Internet insane. Is it blue and black? Or is it gold and white? OMG, I’m seeing it in both combinations now! Frankly, it shouldn’t matter what color the dress is because no matter what color it is, the dress is ugly. Reputable news organizations in their rush to get more page views even interviewed experts about how humans see color and light and what might have caused this fiasco.
Starbucks decided to save a little money this year and use a minimalistic design on its holiday coffee cups. By minimalistic, I mean it was a plain cup that featured the colors red, red and red. An ex-pastor who couldn’t manage to keep a congregation took issue with it and posted a rant about the “war on Christmas” on his Youtube channel. Television and the Internet took this to mean he was speaking for all Christians and the pot was stirred yet again. If 2015 was the year someone got offended by a coffee cup, I just can’t wait to see what 2016 will bring.
KEEPING UP WITH KIMYE
Because someone somewhere thought merging the names of celebrity couples was cute, we now have a disturbing name for a disturbing couple. For those who are unfamiliar– and I’m grateful for those who are– Kimye refers to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Kimye had another child this year. The announcement and later the birth took over Twitter like it was the second coming. What we should really be concerned about is that the world’s biggest ass and the world’s biggest asshole keep reproducing– and now they’ve replaced themselves. One more, and the world will be that much stupider in the next generation.
GOIN’ ON A LION HUNT
In July, an American Dentist killed a lion no one’s ever heard of. As it always does, the Internet reacted with outrage. The lion, who’s name is– or was– Cecil, became an Internet sensation and a famed celebrity overnight. The dentist– who’s name is Walter Palmer– was also hunted as though he had murdered Mickey Mouse or Santa Claus. Of course, the outrage died down and both Palmer and Cecil were quickly forgotten once something else came along to be outraged by…
TRUMP TRUMPS ALL
If there were a word to describe what Americans obsessed about in 2015 it would be Trump. The Donald declared his plans to acquire real estate at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. in June, and he’s been all that ratings and page views would let anyone talk about ever since. While he’s been whining like a fourth-grader who lost his seat at the lunch table to an illegal immigrant, the adults have been talking on the democratic side of the presidential field. Not only has he distracted the other republican candidates, drawing them down into the depths of the mud, he’s also managed to bring down our national discourse and collective IQs.
19 DYSFUNCTIONAL KIDS AND COUNTING
So, as it turns out, the Duggar Family isn’t the modern example of what every family could and should be. News of young Josh’s repeated moral failings shocked fans of the show, who spent countless hours trying to defend him while the stories just kept getting worse and worse. The moral of the story is simple: Don’t derive any meaning for your lives in reality TV.
RED AIN’T DEAD… AND JUST WON’T DIE
Speaking of America’s obsession with reality TV, after losing her show in 2014 following an embarrassing incident with an accused child molester, Mama June of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo fame couldn’t get it together in 2015 either. In June, one of her children sued her for failing to pay up after several appearances on the now-canceled reality show. Bad news for Mama June, worse news for America who was clearly still obsessed with this over-stuffed, over-played and overrated family.
The saga of the New England Patriots and some partially deflated footballs took the wind out of the news media’s sails for far too long this year. Yes, the Super Bowl is the most important event of the year in sports and advertising, but it is still a game and a form of entertainment. We’re talking about whether or not some overpaid athletes cheated at a game. It isn’t like the Patriots or Tom Brady committed treason. Incidentally, The Patriots won the Super Bowl, despite their wicked ways and nobody has taken their trophy back, so that should give everyone an indication of just how serious this non-story really was.
AND THE WINNER IS NOT…
Steve Harvey was the star of about a week’s worth of memes in December after botching the winner of the Miss Universe Pageant. First of all, it’s Steve Harvey. Is anyone really surprised? Second, why in 2015 are we still having beauty pageants, why does anyone watch them, and why on earth would anyone want to talk about them afterwards?
In cult news, Apple released the iPhone 6s this year and millions of Apple fans raced to the Apple store to buy it. Of course, there is nothing newsworthy about this since it happens every year. But boy does it make for good photos and videos. Apple release day has become the new Black Friday.
That’s 2015 in a nutshell. Since 2016 is an election year, let’s hope America pays a tad more attention to issues than it does to mindless drivel.Click here for reuse options!
Copyright 2015 Speaking Truth to Stupid